This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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