I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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