yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
