Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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