i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
