but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We have started to decorate penises.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize