so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
