my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
