i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
