He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
not ubering you a puppy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
