Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize