I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
