So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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