Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
