and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
