Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
