next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
