I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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