I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
