went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
