holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize