She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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