I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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