She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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