who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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