Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
