you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
