he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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