I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
