we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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