I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize