You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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