If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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