I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
