Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
