I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
