Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
