Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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