We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Randomize
