My room smells like vodka and shame
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
