i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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