how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
