my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
