Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
