I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
