they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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