i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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