Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
