I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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