since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
