Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
