Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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