After last night, I could never be a politician.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
