jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
