Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
