I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize