i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
