its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
