I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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