dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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