So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
